the simple minded suburbanite

It’s Complicated
May 31, 2010, 4:36 pm
Filed under: suburban

When you don’t listen, the universe takes to screaming.  That’s how I ended up on the couch having a perfectly lovely evening all to myself,; renting “It’s Complicated”; while the kids, my husband and our college age cousin (who is living with us for the summer) went to the theater to see Iron Man.

I couldn’t have planned it better myself.  I had just told the kids to get their shoes on and as I was walking into my room to get mine, I was stricken by horrible stomach cramps.  As my husband called to me from the front door that we were going to be late, I managed to call from behind the closed bathroom door where I had retreated.  I couldn’t go, I told him.  I had to stay back.

Mildly concerned, for I had just had a procedure “at that end”, they left without me, my husband agreeing to leave his cell on vibrate.  There was a momentary flash of, gee, maybe they should’ve stayed back to be sure I was going to be okay but quickly the silence of the house enveloped me.  Another 10 minutes on the pot, whoosh, I was on the sofa renting the girliest flick I could find.  I lit a candle and later paused the film to make a cup of herbal tea.  I even had a few minutes after the movie was finished to sit and quietly meditate, staring at the flame, and fighting the urge to pick up a book, opting to let me mind rest.

And I thought to myself, who’d a thought that you could find heaven in having the runs?

It’s been weeks, maybe even months since I’ve blogged.  My topic being “voluntary simplicity”, I felt hypocritical of myself for clickin away on a topic I obviously had no business broaching since I could barely find time to wash my hair. I have just come off of several months of back to back to back have to do’s, have to be’s, and have to go’s.  I was slamming 2 months of work hours into two weeks, traveling to conferences, attending to 2 pretty sick kids, the house, my friends, my family, and I hope somewhere in there, my husband.  We hosted family from out of town, planned a big shindig for my son’s first communion, and wound down the end of the school year…which I must say is so frickin’ ridiculous, the amount of crap we parents do to celebrate this at school. I’m not doing the pace of my life justice with these few short sentences, but I also don’t want to bore with details.  Suffice to say, I was forgetting things, eating like a famished alley cat, losing my cool, and grinding my teeth.

But last night found me on the couch.  Praise the potty!

This voluntary simplicity thing is not as easy as it sounds.  I try to say no to more and more, but the facts remain that I have a house, a family, and obligations.  I guess it’s normal to get off track.  Maybe getting off track is what brings us to make deeper changes.  If the universe screams, it’s hard not to listen.

Somehow during this crazy time, I managed to plant a garden with my son. I joined a food/nutrition club with some friends of mine.  I joined an organic veggie co-op. We’ve had some family game nights.  We’ve spent time with family and good friends.  I’ve established some new goals for myself and with my husband, for our household, which requires working less at the job that isn’t in my heart and focusing on the one that is.

I have a vision of living simplistically as living just like that, simplistically.  But maybe it’s just a little work to get there.  You still have to plant your garden.  You have to clean your house before your family gets here. You have to finish your obligations so you can be truly present when it is time to relax or be with your kids. You have to listen to yourself and your body, but, yes, sometimes you still have to push through.  It’s just knowing when it is time to stop pushing, that is important.  To honor the slowing down process.

The old me may have still gone to the theater and just ran back and forth to the john.  Even if the old me had stayed behind, I would’ve done some laundry or completed my invoice, or called my mother.

I guess I’m making progress?  I don’t know.  It’s complicated.


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