the simple minded suburbanite


Use Your Napkin
January 6, 2010, 3:53 pm
Filed under: suburban

If you are a mom, how many times do you say this in a single day? My boys use their sleeves, their shirts, wipe under the table, onto the seat cushions, even use their hair to wipe their grungy little paws. As a defense against spilled chocolate milk, spaghetti sauce and boogers, I like many mothers, stockpile napkins. It’s a disease, really. I’m a napkin hoarder! Get me on Oprah! I keep a three inch stack on any fast food restaurant table. I hide them in my glove compartment. They litter my kitchen counters. I’ve even got back-up napkins, Costco style, in my guest room closet.

But, I now realize that I’ve got a problem. For two reasons: 1.On my husband’s weekly trek to Dunkin Donuts on Saturday morning, he now brings back at least a dozen napkins for every single doughnut. and 2. When I stop for a coffee and a breakfast sandwich or when I occasionally meet a friend for lunch, I grab a stack for myself. A stack! Myself! I’ll even start wiping up water rings off the table while my friend drinks her drink!

Okay, now. I’m going to save the world. One napkin at a time. Yes! It can be done. What if…just what IF…everyone used just one napkin for themselves. And what if…oh yeah!…I put back any unused napkins after dinner. Oh, now I’m on a roll, and what if I saved all of the Dunkin Donuts napkins and used them in my kids lunches! Right! Right! I’m goin’, goin’ … don’t stop me now! What if I turn my head when my 5 year old wipes a big green one on his Tony Hawk skater sleeve. (Would that make the booger a “Tony Hawker”?) Gone!

That’s it. I’m doin’ it! Come on all you mommies out there. Join in! One! Just one! Napkin! At! A! Time!

We can save the world…oh, sorry Georgia Pacific.

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